Marriage Advice

Source

This post is in honor of the many couples whose weddings I got to attend this year, those who will be married soon and those who have been married for longer. This marriage advice is based off of my experience so take whatever good you can from it!

1. Don't compare

Your relationship is unique. Each partner is a unique individual and you are building a life together. What works for one couple may not work for you. Try not to think of how marriage is/is not "supposed" to be like and instead focus on being present to your own marriage and your partner. If you have loaded expectations of what the perfect marriage is and those are not being met then this might set it up for failure.

2. Communication

Don't make assumptions. If you have something on your mind say it outright (kindly of course). Don't beat around the bush or expect your partner to read your mind or be able to figure out stuff based on cryptic signals since he or she should just "get" you. Sure, maybe after years of marriage your partner will "get" you but this takes time and effort from both sides. Really listen to your partner, don't hear what you think they're saying, hear what they're actually saying.

3. Habits

Healthy, positive habits are contagious. So are negative habits. Always strive to be better, your partner will likely notice, be inspired and follow suit.

4. Space

Spending time together is great, but some alone time is needed too. You're still an individual within a team. Not all your interests will/must overlap. Just because a partner wants to spend time alone does not mean they don't like you anymore or something is wrong. Use alone time to improve yourself, do some reflection, work on a hobby etc.

5. Teamwork

Learn to work together as a team to support each other's dreams and goals. These may change over time and the path may not always be clear. Believe in each other and be a positive source of encouragement. Learn to compromise and be patient as well, in time this will pay off.

Marriage is a long term investment. If you put in the effort then you'll reap the benefits. Think of marriage like baking a cake. There are many types and flavors of cake with the same basic ingredients (flour, sugar, eggs, butter, etc.) but some have extra ingredients, differing proportions, preparation steps, frostings, decorations etc. To bake your perfect cake you gotta put in the right ingredients for yourselves and with time, trial and error it will be delicious. Start with the basic ingredients of kindness, respect, love, presence, dedication and patience and the rest is a piece of cake!